a resolution?

I think I shall coin a new term. You know sometimes, when I'm on the bus, half asleep, half awake, I sort of start thinking about lots of stuff, subconsciously. As in, I don't really have complete control over what I'm thinking. Sheesh. Okay that sounded a little creepy. Like I'm have a split personality. But anyway, when you're fully awake and in control, the thoughts seem to still be there but vanish after a while. That's the crazy thing about it. Subconscious thoughts. Hmm. I shall call it Subconscious Mental Activity, or SMA in short. Guys, please remember i was the first to come up with this and don't let anyone steal my Nobel.

Okay. Back to the main topic. I was having plenty of this SMA recently. More often than not, it's well, about how things are going now, with Serine. I don't know. It's a little weird. When I'm fully conscious, I don't really think about her much. Life goes on, normally. But then, whenver I drift into the SMA state, it just changes, like switching channels on a remote.

I've been deliberating quite a bit. Honestly, what she said the other day, is making more and more sense. About us not being compatible, that there will be a better girl for me, bla bla. I don't know, somehow, in my mind, this all makes sense. I certainly know too few personalities to know who is the right one for me. Probably, I'm just settling for the best now. But how "best" can it be when the pool is small?

I'm not even that disappointed anymore. Is it because I've come to terms? Or just that I'm too used to it? Probably, maybe, both.

Then again, knowing that giving up without getting an end product, I think that'll only temporary close the case. I may end up thinking about her again, a lot. And that's not going to help anything.

Sidetracking, I was reading this online forum about this guy who courted a girl for 3 years. The general consensus was that it's dumb and wimpy. Haha, really sounds exactly like me. Somehow, that was part of the driving force that started me on the realisation of a resolution.

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Well, after typing so much, and just talking to a few additional people. Somehow, my determination has wavered, albeit slightly.

The resolution was to give up and let life go on. There are other girls out there, maybe another girl who deserves my love more and who loves me just as much. As a wise Shu'en said, "If you love her, you will let her go. If she loves you back, she'll come back to you." Okay, something like this. Anyway, the part about Shu'en being wise, you didn't read that, I mistyped. :p

Anyway, I shall deliberate about it longer. Let more SMA take place. A resolution? Not yet, unfortunately.