20th Birthday

This year's like the lousiest birthday I've ever had. I'm even embarassed talking about it. Ugh.

Cassandra's like drifting so far from me. I kinda don't know her anymore. When I needed help, I can't really count on her anymore.

The only good thing that came about this birthday was probably the good chats I had with Huawei regarding our relationship problems. Wait. I'm not in a relationship. So, technically, I don't have any problems.

My parents are weird. They think I'm with every girl I go out with. First it was Cassandra, then Yahui. I wonder who it will be next time. Shu'en? Maybe. Crap. They'd never know who it'll be. Neither would I.

I've come to a realisation this year. In the early hours of my birthday, I was chatting with Serine when she said that she really treasured out friendship. Though disappointed, I kinda realised that this could actually be something that I should be thankful of. It could help in these ways:

a. I get to reaffirm that she's the one I want to be with, especially after I enter university and meet lots of other people

b. I don't rush into a relationship that I might break in maybe a couple of months

c. I get to know her better as a close friend (I think)

Things might turn out well in the end after all.

I think I'm finally winning over this insecure part of myself within me. The part that's constantly giving me fears. The trick's to "feel the fear and do it anyway". Know it everyone, I used to be a coward, just covered up really well. But not anymore. I know I can walk out of this shell and do whatever I used to fear. World, say hello to the new and improved me. Hah! I deserve some award for that.

I'm 20 years old. Shit.