I'm really quite sick of being me. Is it destined for me to lead a life like this or has my time not come yet? Honestly, I've never felt as though I've had it good at all. Anything I've achieved feels like a forced result from my own hard work. Not that life isn't supposed to be about working hard, but when can I get a lucky break? When can I ever say to myself "that was really lucky"? Is luck really a factor in life? Do I not have that factor?

She just messaged me, to tell me that she won't be able to see me this Saturday. I kinda expected it though. I'm probably used to her erratic schedule. Last minute cancellations and stuff. Well nothing new. The disappointment as well, not new you know. When can I tell myself that it's the last straw, that enough is enough, that I don't want to have anything more to do with her, that I don't want to take this anymore, that I deserve better. Why is my heart so firmly set in place? Why do things always turn out this way for me? Will I even be happy if we get together?

I feel like kicking something. Let me cool down, and don't do this to me again, please.

:(